I'm back ....again it's never a good sign to be back on xanga again.... but i guess it's the only place where i can let it out... ..... i met you here... and ever since we've been together this xanga has been abandoned and picked up again so many times... until eventually....i stopped writing on it. it's just like our book....closed...and i once thought it would be closed forever. but everything can be turned over right? i can....i can always open the book again and expect a brand new chapter right? ..... who am i fooling... the book ....is closed...and that's that. and maybe you're already starting to write a new book... with another person.... creating a new story with new memories....new special moments.... and i wouldn't exist at all... won't even take up a line.... a description... a word..... ....... should i write a new book too? should i....find someone different.. and ...maybe....this time the story will have a happy ending? wont everything be much simpler if i forget about the old book and write a new one from chapter one? ......... i cant... i cant start a new book when i kno the new story would never be as good as the old one.... i cant think of anything....or have the capacity for another person when my mind is full of you... ....... i cant handle this... maybe im not as smart or clever or strong or optimistic as you all think i am.... ....... it hurts... my heart hurts.... and this is killing me.... becuase unlike stomaches...heart aches dont go away.... they might seem to disappear for a while... but they always come back... as if they are on a mission to torture me... to death. | 
